Some of Their Prisoners Are Missing
by Georgshadow
Summary: Episode-based. Klink, as usual, puts his foot in his mouth. But this time, it could be more trouble than he ever intended. SLASH.


Disclaimer: This is slash. It's not graphic or anything, just know what you're reading. Also, as you read this story remember that I wrote it… you know what you're getting yourself into.

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A/N: Based on "Some Of Their Planes Are Missing." In the episode, Hogan pretends to get drunk and pass out at a party in Klink's quarters so he can sneak off with Carter and LeBeau to disable some RAF planes that the Germans have gotten a hold of. Olsen takes his place and the usual hilarity ensues as Klink acts like a jerk upon seeing "Hogan" unconscious on his bed.

Anyway, it's the first episode I ever saw that got me into Hogan/Klink stuff. I figured it was about time I write what I thought about the first time I saw it so long ago.

* * *

"Hogan. Hogan!" Klink scoffed as he turned to Colonel Leman. "Passed out. Typical American weakness. Can't drink, can't finish wars they start." He gave a final irritated grunt in disgust and he and Leman left the bedroom.

As the door slammed behind them, Leman shook his head and sighed.

"Such a funny, smart man," he commented. "I almost wish he was one of ours. Then, he would know how to conduct himself like a real officer. These American pilots are honorable, but if they can never learn how to take war seriously then the Reich will most certainly be glorious."

"Oh, I agree with you, Colonel," Klink said, trying to be as much of a diplomat as Hogan had been before the schnapps began to catch up with him. He knew that he could never match Hogan's wit, and he could already see Leman beginning to become disinterested in him. It didn't matter anyway; the truth was that Klink didn't particularly care whether or not Leman found him thrilling. Right now, the image of Colonel Robert Hogan sprawled on his own bed was the only thing on this mind.

It was a reality that he never imagined he would see, and when he'd fantasized about it, it certainly happened differently in his mind. He could never admit it to anyone else, but each day he looked forward to the hour that Hogan would stalk into his office to make some kind of demand. It didn't even matter to Klink if Hogan had nothing on his mind but to irritate him. There was just something majestic about him, and Klink knew that he found nearly everything about the American extraordinarily attractive. He could barely stand it, and because of it he also completely resented Hogan. He hated how much better Hogan was at everything than him, but more so he hated that he also admired him for it.

A moment later, the two men were joined by General Burkhalter. "Our friend Hogan has disappeared. You're not keeping an eye on that man like you should, Klink."

"We were just discussing him," Klink said. "I know exactly where my prisoners are at all times. Need I remind you, General, that there has never been a successful escape from Stalag 13?"

Burkhalter was not amused. "There are many things of which you needn't remind me."

Klink backed down, realizing that he should never attempt to sound sassy around the cold general. "At least I am still standing," he said. "Unlike tonight's guest of honor."

Leman balked and wandered away to talk to one of his men.

"What are you talking about, Klink?" Burkhalter asked, irritated.

"Here, come look," Klink said. "I'm sure you'll be thrilled by what you see." He returned to the bedroom where he and Leman had found Hogan just a few minutes ago. He pushed open the door and stepped inside.

"There, General. I wanted you to see Colonel Hogan in all his glory," Klink said, gesturing toward the unconscious American.

Burkhalter crossed the room and shook Colonel Hogan by the shoulder. "Hogan! Wake up!"

Hogan mumbled inaudibly.

"Dead to the world," Burkhalter commented, rolling his eyes. "Phew, it smells of schnapps in here!"

"Phew, terrible!" Klink agreed.

"Let him sleep," Burkhalter said, shortly. Then, he left the room, paying not a second thought to the American on Klink's bed.

Klink glared at Hogan's back bitterly. Then, he looked to the open door. After a moment of thought, he walked to the door and closed it silently.

Hogan's body shifted slightly. Klink took a few steps closer to the bed and leaned over it slightly.

"Hogan!" he said. "Look at you! You were so thrilled to get out of your barracks for one night that you drank yourself _under the table_." He grinned at the use of the American idiom.

Hogan did not reply. He was, as Burkhalter had pointed out, dead to the world. It was almost funny in a way. Looking at the American colonel's back, he realized that he felt giddy. He was reminded of the first time he'd been told a dirty joke in Gymnasium as a little boy, and how he'd been consumed with a sort of childish amusement at the sheer crudeness. He felt the same way now, tenfold.

The man who he had pined for since the moment they had met was at his complete disposal. Of course, Klink was a sensible and sensitive man and he had no desire whatsoever to hurt Colonel Hogan.

"I am the kommandant of this camp," he said, testing his own courage to speak. "I can do whatever I want."

At this moment, he realized, he could say anything he wanted to Colonel Hogan. He would make no response, but that was the way Klink wanted it. There were things that he could never say— tendencies which he ordinarily buried for his own sake as an officer of the Third Reich — and he knew that if he could only say them out loud to Hogan, even an unconscious Hogan, it would ease his mind just a little bit.

Klink pushed further. "And here _you_ are, lying on my bed as if to offer yourself to me." He paused, still unsure, but continued. "Even if you weren't, I could have my way with you if I wanted. I am your captor, your commander. Even physically, I am taller and stronger than you. That is how much power I truly hold over you. You seem to forget that quite often."

He paced around the bed and threw himself into his chair.

"Unfortunately, I forget that as well. I allow myself to forget that you are the prisoner and I am the kommandant. And for that, I disgust myself."

He chose his next words carefully even though he knew Hogan couldn't care. "You and I both know that I am putty in your hands. Putty! I feel that you could convince me to do almost anything. If you only touched me I'd let your prisoners have the run of this camp. For a kiss, I'd let you escape. And… if we shared this bed on which you are sleeping, I think I'd send personal escorts to take you and your men back to London."

He let the thought saturate for a moment, almost unsure if he had really spoken the words aloud. When he was sure he had, he felt a hundred percent better. Feeling confident, he stood back up from the chair and took a slow step toward the bed.

"You'll never know how many times I have prayed under my breath that somehow you could know how I feel, Hogan, and I myself don't know how many times I dreamt that you would feel the same. And even then, we would still be enemies in this war. I wish often that we'd have met in entirely different circumstances… Robert." He placed a hand on the colonel's shoulder. What he had admitted was monumental, and he felt the need to consummate it in some way.

"Hogan, it's you that'll pull me through this war," he whispered, and he placed a hand on Hogan's neck. He pursed his lips and turned Hogan's head.

The face that looked up into his bore an expression of pure terror.

It was not Hogan. It was not even one of the usual men that followed the senior PoW around all the time. Instead, it was one of the other prisoners whose name Klink wasn't even sure of (he guessed the man's name was Olsen). It didn't matter, though; because the man's eyes were about the size of tea saucers and his mouth hung open like he'd just listened to a kommandant confess his undying affection for one of his prisoners.

Klink gasped and leapt back, hissing "Mein Gott!" as he struggled to apprehend the situation.

Olsen stared back at him. Surely, Klink realized much later, he was probably more terrified of Klink figuring out whatever was going on than disgusted by what he'd just heard. Right now, though, Klink only feared for himself. He took a step backward away from the bed, followed by another and another until he felt the door against his back. Then, unable to figure out what he could possibly do besides murder the prisoner to erase what he had done, he turned and rushed out of the room.

Nobody seemed to notice that he'd been gone. He slammed the bedroom door behind him and found his way to the bar where he poured himself far too much schnapps.

Leman stood on the other side of the bar. He looked up to acknowledge the kommandant and did a double-take.

"Klink, you look like you've seen a ghost," he said.

"I… I'm fine!" Klink said, trying to keep from shaking. He forced a snakey grin. "I can't hold my liquor as I could when I was younger."

Leman rolled his eyes in disgust. "Then perhaps you should quit while you are ahead."

Klink remained at the bar as Leman wandered away again. Klink wished he had quit while he was ahead when he'd confessed to the prisoner on his bed. It was a stupid thing, anyway, but at the time seemed like a good, fun idea.

How wrong he had been!

Klink slammed his entire glass of schnapps and shuffled to his sofa. He threw himself down next to one of the younger pilots and covered his face with one of his hands.

"Kommandant, is something wrong?" the pilot asked him. Another pilot who had been conversing with the other repeated the question.

"I've done something horrendously stupid, but it doesn't concern you," Klink replied. "Carry on."

After a few moments, the younger men continued with their conversation. Klink heard one of them whisper about the kommandant having had too much to drink, and that was perfectly acceptable. He could hardly hear the voices around him over how worried he was and frankly he'd rather have them think he was a heavy drinker than know the truth.

He told that damned prisoner everything! Klink mentally upbraided himself. _You old fool! You poured your heart out to that Olsen fellow and then left him lying there to pretend to be Colonel Hogan!_ Just then, Klink realized what he had just done. The man who on his bed was not Colonel Hogan. If that was true, and it was, then where was Colonel Hogan?

_Dummkompf! Scheissekompf!_ Klink groaned out loud, ignoring the concerned glances from the pilots around him. If he had any sense, he would have immediately questioned Olsen right then and there. Then again, if he had any sense, he wouldn't have exposed his most intimate secret. He realized that if he had questioned Olsen, the prisoner now knew something extremely damaging. Now, if Hogan had escaped, Olsen could use what Klink had said against him. It would all come back to him and his stupidity.

As if his situation couldn't get any worse, Burkhalter waddled over and joined the men a few minutes after Klink had made his realization. He took the last spot on the couch, between Klink and the young pilot, and joined the conversation as a General so easily could.

"Klink! I admit I enjoy your parties more than I would imagine, knowing you," Burkhalter said, loosening up as the night dragged on. "Even with Hogan gone, I've had so much fun."

Klink winced at the thought of 'Hogan gone.'

"I'm glad to hear it, General Burkhalter," Klink said, softly. All he could do now was sit and enjoy the evening while he could. In the morning, Hogan would be discovered missing. He had until then.

As the evening continued, Klink tried to be as happy as he could knowing his awful fate. He found himself laughing and talking with the pilots and officers in an hour and as the next hour began, he started to enjoy himself again. It was at this point that the phone in his quarters began to ring.

Klink soon forgot his temporary joy; he did not receive calls at such an hour. His previous concern swept back over him. The men in his quarters looked at him expectantly and he rose from the couch to answer the phone.

He crept across the room, unsure if his knees would hold him up. His hands were almost too clammy to hold the receiver.

"Hello?" he answered, softly.

"Klink! This is Major Kluge. I wish to speak to General Burkhalter," the voice on the other end of the line was not pleased, Klink could tell. He gulped and held out the receiver.

"General," he said, softly.

Burkhalter knew as well as Klink that a call at this time could not bear good news. He got up and took the phone from Klink, answering it and listening.

"Yes. Yes, it is. What?"

Klink listened, trembling with terror.

"You fools! How could you let such a thing happen?" Burkhalter screamed into the phone. "Road blocks, at once! Yes, yes!" He hung up the phone and turned to Klink. "Our planes have been destroyed, underground. Sabotage!"

Klink struggled for words. "B-but, how is such a thing possible?" he asked, forcing himself to sound as shocked as he could. He just knew that Colonel Hogan had to have something to do with this.

"Mainly because _you_ were in charge of security," Burkhalter snarled.

Klink gulped back any reply. Of course, Burkhalter was absolutely right.

Leman approached the two. "General, you mentioned sabotage."

"Three men in Luftwaffe uniforms forced their way into the airfield." His expression changed slightly. "One of them fits the description of our friend Hogan, by the way."

Klink's body tensed up. Hogan? Oh, God! So it was true! He had known that it wasn't Hogan asleep on his bed. If he would've only said something those planes would still be safely tucked away in that airfield. But again, if he had said anything, every man in this room would also know his shame! When they caught Olsen lying in his bed, they'd find out soon enough anyway.

"But it is only a coincidence," Burkhalter continued. "Or is it?" The general pushed his way past Klink and Leman, rushing to the bedroom in which Hogan had passed out. He threw open the door and stopped. "Hogan?"

The colonel didn't reply.

Klink trembled.

Burkhalter crept closer, tearing the blanket off Olsen's back. He took hold of the man's shoulder and flipped him over on the bed. "Hogan!"

Klink held his breath, aware that the reason he prayed that the other prisoner had magically transformed back into Hogan was for his own security.

"Ahh, c'mon, pipe down and let a guy sleep, will you?" The real Colonel Hogan muttered, blinking at the three faces staring at him.

Klink's relief was exponential. He was not a religious man, but he imagined that he would always be from now on.

Burkhalter obviously did not share the same feelings. "Six of our planes destroyed!" he snarled, shaking his finger at the American. "Sabotage!"

Hogan snapped his fingers wistfully. "I miss everything!"

Klink maintained his expression, knowing that Hogan was so secretly amused at the antics of the three Germans watching him.

"I'd like to leave a call for 6:00 AM, I got an early war in the morning," Hogan finished, pulling the blankets back over himself as he lay back down.

Burkhalter left the man to sleep and turned back to face Klink.

Klink stood up straight and looked from the general to Leman and back again. Finally, unsure of what else to do, he forced a small laugh.

"I suppose it was a coincidence then, General. Somewhere out there, there's a saboteur running around who looks like Colonel Hogan," he tried to sound funny.

"This party is over," Burkhalter replied, knocking Klink out of his way on his way out of the bedroom. "Leman, get your men ready. They're heading out tomorrow morning. This mission is as good as ruined."

Klink let them leave without putting up a fight. Really, he didn't care that much anyway. He listened to the schnapps-softened pilots mutter in disbelief about the destroyed planes as they headed back to the guest barracks. Klink eventually wandered out into the living room to see Burkhalter and Leman out. Schultz came by to offer to help clean up but Klink sent him away. He'd let the prisoners clean up tomorrow morning.

Klink knew he had to do something about Hogan. While everybody else was clearing out, he wandered back to his bedroom. Even if he didn't have to worry about General Burkhalter, he still had two problems. One was clearly what to do about what Olsen had heard him say, and the other was that it was obvious that Hogan had something to do with those sabotaged airplanes.

He opened the door slowly, dreading what Hogan might have to say to him. Not surprisingly, Hogan was already out of the bed and heading for the door.

"Kommandant," Hogan said, nodding. "I'll just head back to the barracks now."

Klink sighed in relief, but he quickly remembered what he'd come here for. "Not so fast, Hogan!"

Hogan stopped. "There was something you wanted?"

"There was… I… Something happened here this evening, Colonel," Klink managed.

Hogan's expression changed briefly, and for a moment he looked truly worried. He composed himself quickly. "Sorry, it's been a while since I've had such strong schnapps."

God, how he hated this! Klink wished he could just get it all over with right now.

"I expect you in my office first thing after roll call in the morning, Colonel. You know why," he said, finally, deciding that he could use the evening to steel himself.

Hogan nodded understandingly. "Fine." Then, he saluted lazily and headed for the door.

"Wait!" Klink said, suddenly. He knew himself too well, and he understood that he would be a wreck by morning. "We shall discuss this right now." He also feared, knowing what happened tonight, that Hogan could be gone by the next morning.

"Now?" Hogan put a hand to his forehead. "Gee, colonel, I'd love to, but I don't know if I can stand up."

"There is nothing wrong with you," Klink said.

Hogan frowned but stood firmly in place. "Alright, colonel. Talk."

Klink struggled for what to say, but began slowly. "At one point during the evening, you were not where you wanted us to think you were."

Hogan said nothing.

"And at this point, your man Olsen took your place. Yes, I saw what you did there, Colonel Hogan," Klink tried to sound as imposing as he could.

Hogan didn't say anything for a long time, but finally spoke. "So, you caught me." he sighed, "I'm going to miss you, Colonel."

"Miss _me_? Are you threatening to escape?"

"Well, I might take a stab at it after your transfer."

"Transfer?"

"Oh, of course, kommandant. After what Burkhalter was so upset about tonight, you report what you saw here this evening and you'll be freezing to death in Stalingrad before you can say-,"

"Enough!" Klink interrupted the prisoner before he could finish. Hogan was right, of course. Burkhalter already knew that one of the saboteurs looked like Hogan (and likely _was_ Hogan), so if Klink reported that the American had been missing at one point during the evening… This didn't solve the problem of what had happened with Olsen, either.

"Fine. I will never mention what you did this evening." Klink quickly thought of a solution. "And you must never mention what I did this evening."

Hogan began to smile, but froze and raised an eyebrow. "What… you did this evening?"

"Yes." Klink remained composed. "Surely whenever you and Olsen switched places, he told you everything."

"Oh! Of course," Hogan said. His grin was cruel and sly. "I don't know, kommandant. I don't know if I can keep that to myself."

"But you must!" Klink didn't like to beg, but he knew that he had no choice. "As a gentleman and an officer, you must understand that it was the schnapps that influenced me. Certainly you know me well enough by now to know that I, I would…" beginning to get nervous, he couldn't think of anything. "And who could you tell? Your men? That wouldn't change the fact that they are still my prisoners. General Burkhalter? You think he would take the word of a prisoner who is already _walking on thin ice_, as you would say?"

"Okay, we have a deal," Hogan said, finally. "You don't fink, I don't fink. Does that sound good?"

Klink let out a tremendous sigh. "It sounds magnificent."

"Good." Hogan smiled. He put a hand on Klink's shoulder. "It's all between you and me from now on." And then, he wrapped his arms around the kommandant and pulled him into a tight embrace.

Klink couldn't understand. Hogan's body pressed against his, and he didn't need to understand. Gingerly, he returned the embrace and they stood perfectly still for a moment. Then, just as soon as it happened, Hogan wriggled away and headed for the door.

"Goodnight, Klink," he said, softly. "Remember—a deal's a deal."

Klink stood where he was, reeling as he listened to Hogan leave.

* * *

In the morning, Klink put off his paperwork for a while, even after roll call. He instructed Schultz to bring the prisoner named Olsen into his office to talk to him. In a few minutes, the prisoner entered the kommandant's office.

"You, uh, wanted to see me?" the man asked, more nervous than a prisoner with a clean conscious should be.

"Yes." Klink folded his hands on his desk and stared at the prisoner. Recalling the look on the man's face when he'd been caught last night was almost comical now. "You needn't worry about what happened last night."

"Uh, what?"

"Don't play stupid, Olsen. I've already spoken to your Colonel and you will not be punished for anything." Klink grinned proudly.

Olsen nodded. "Okay. Thanks, I guess."

"You're welcome. I must ask you, though, if you've told any other men besides Colonel Hogan."

"Told anyone else?" Olsen asked. "Told them what?"

"Olsen, I said you needn't pretend. You told Hogan everything that I said to you, and that is fine. Did you tell anyone else?"

"Oh," Olsen laughed. "I heard you talkin', sir, but I couldn't tell anyone what you said."

Klink narrowed his eyes. "Why not?"

"Well, sir, you were speaking German." Olsen shrugged. "Is that all? If I'm off the hook, that is."

"Um. Yes." Klink said, slowly. "You're dismissed."

"Thank you, sir!" Olsen left quickly before there was any chance Klink would change his mind.

As the man left, Klink tried to make sense of what he'd just learned. If Olsen didn't speak German, and didn't tell Hogan what he'd heard, but Hogan seemed to know anyway…

He turned in his chair and looked out his window into the compound. Hogan leaned against his barracks and chatted with two of his men. Klink watched him for a moment, and as Olsen sauntered across the compound, he could've sworn he saw Hogan glance in his direction and smile.

"A deal's a deal," Klink heard himself say.

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end


End file.
